I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it's like heaven, but drunker
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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