Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
