It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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