I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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