hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
false alarm, still single
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