Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
