i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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