Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
