it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
