God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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