Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
