On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
