dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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