Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
