This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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