u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
COCAINE IS GR8
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
