before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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