He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
