This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
