I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
