Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
