I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
