i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
