Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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