I wish my penis had an off switch
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
