My nipple is on Facebook.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
