Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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