Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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