we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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