i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
