Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
