i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
