How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
