Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
