SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
