I wish my penis had an off switch
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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