Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
