He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
