My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
