Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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