I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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