Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
