Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
