i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
