your thong is hanging out like whoa
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
