I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
