when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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