i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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