I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
