Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
