I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
