Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
