We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
