life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
