There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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